The Past

somehow i am not able to put my past behind me...
it haunted me again and again...

i don't want to remember it...
but it just keep crossing my mind...

i feel suffocated...
can't make even a step forward...

is the world judging me now?...
when all i wanted to do...
is to change into a better person?...

Talking to the Moon

there might be times...when we r sitting alone...wishing dat we still had our loved one's with us...never had to let them go...for whatever reason there is...


going back through all d memories dat we have had together wif them...kinda hurt our feelings...but we know dat we'll get better with time....let time passes by and makes us forget d pain...bcoz things will never be d same...forever...


but still....we will always miss them...no matter how hard we try to forget...and dat's wat life is all abt...ppl come and go in our life...only d few fated one's will remain with us...



maybe dis song can tell others...wat it is like to be missing someone so badly...though we know dat dat person will never come back to us...we will still be hoping for some MIRACLE...or FATE...








I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
My neighbors think
I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have
You're all I have

Chorus:

At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself

Talking to the Moon
Trying to get to You
In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I'm feeling like I'm famous
The talk of the town
They say
I've gone mad
Yeah
I've gone mad
But they don't know
what I know

Cause when the
sun goes down
someone's talking back
Yeah
They're talking back

At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon
Trying to get to You
In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

Ahh Ahh,
Ahh Ahh,

Do you ever hear me calling?
Cause every night 
I'm talking to the moon
Still trying to get to you

In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away






From the song of Bruno Mars: Talking to the Moon...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tKkd3a1S0w

-Believe-

Even if you're hurt...

And you feel you are about to break down...

I will definitely be by your side...

Lift the weight...

From your shoulders...

Bearing the world's hopes...

The world continues to revolve...

Now, when the doors...

Of the future open...

The sadness and suffering...

Will someday turn...

Into happiness...

I believe in the future...

I believe...

["Believe" from Gakuen Alice]

Saat itu...

Rindu saat itu

Dimana halaqah menjadi pengisi waktu

Rindu saat itu

Dimana ta’lim menjadi tempat menuntut ilmu

Rindu saat itu

Dimana tudung labuhku masih melindungiku

Rindu saat itu

Dimana setiap saat ku mengingatiMu

Rindu saat itu

Bila ku rasa terharu

Kerana dapat membeli Quran pertamaku

Rindu saat itu

Dimana hafazan mengisi ruang pemikiranku

Rindu saat itu

Dimana imam itu adalah aku

Rindu saat itu

Dimana da’wah dan tarbiyyah menjadi sebahagian dari hidupku

Rindu saat itu

Dimana ketenangan terasa hebat dalam diriku

Rindu saat itu

Dimana masjid sentiasa menjadi tempat perhentianku

Rindu saat itu

Dimana ku dapat iftar bsme teman-teman seperjuanganku

Rindu saat itu

Mungkinkah ia akan kembali padaku?

Telah jauh ku meningggalkan saat itu

Namun yakinlah sntiasa padaku

Sebanyak mana pun perubahan pada diriku

Hanya Islam di hatiku

Jika Kamu Mencintai Seseorang

Jika engkau mencintai seseorang
Maka ingatlah kepada Yang Maha Menciptakan kekasihmu,
Ialah Allah SWT

Jika engkau mencintai seseorang,
Maka ingatlah kepada Yang Maha menggenggam hati kekasihmu,
Ialah Allah SWT

Jika engkau mencintai seseorang,
Maka ingatlah Kepada Yang Maha menguasai kekasihmu,
Ialah Allah SWT.

Dan Jika engkau mencintai seseorang ,
Maka ingatlah kepada Yang Maha menanamkan rasa cinta dalam hatimu itu,
Ialah Allah SWT

Kerana jika Engkau mencintai seseorang,
Dan hanya kepada Allah SWT ingatanmu tertuju,
Ertinya engkau telah memahami makna cinta dan menjauhi syahwat

by Akhwat Cinta at http://pakarcinta.com/blog/jika-kamu-mencintai-seseorang/...

Cinta Ini Selalu Untukmu

Saat hati ini berkata
kau lah yang akan menjadi terakhir dihati ini
aku tahu ,kau lah segalanya bagiku
kehidupan ku akan terasa hampa ,tanpa kehadiran mu

aku sadar
aku terlalu menyayangimu
aku belum mampu tanpamu
kau sebagian dari hidup ku

ketika bersamamu
aku menemukan erti memiliki
aku menemukan sebuah kebahagian
aku menemukan apa yang tak aku temukan diperjalan cintaku

sayang …
kau harus tau
cinta ini akan selalu milikmu
selamanya aku selalu milikmu
jgn pernah belajar tuk meninggalkan aku
kerana aku
MENCINTAI mu


Adapted from Pakar Cinta :
http://pakarcinta.com/blog/cinta-ini-selalu-untukmu/

Love Just The Way You Are, Muslimah

Damn, I miss it...
The time when you looked so beautiful,
When, the cover you wear was long enough,
When, your words were carefully spoken,
When, your dress was so modest,
While in the real arena you were such a ferocious lioness, a real mujahidah,
I love that time, I love you just the way you are.

Damn, I miss it...
When you are not trying to look beautiful, you are,
When you quickly put your cover down when the winds blew it hard,
When you take another route just to avoid the opposite group,
I miss to see that calm sweet face,
I miss it when your face saddened by the reminders of God,
And I love you just the way you are.

Damn, I miss it...
When I tried to steal a look at your face,
I see tears rolling out with your hands up, praying,
When you deviate the gorgeous grey eyes away the moment yours met mine,
When you take no single glance at me when we pass by each other,
I love the way you talk to me, such composure and grace,
I love when your heart was so fragile to the Holy Words,
I love that time, I love you just the way you are.

But now, I don't know what I am feeling,
The love is starting to fade, or what?
Jealous? Dissapointment? Hope?
I don't know...
It hurts me a lot, it's silently killing me inside.

Every single time I saw you in that apparel,
Every single time I saw you mingle freely without boundaries with the opposites,
Every single moment I saw that words coming from your precious lips,
Please, this is not the girl who I'd known before,
But still, remnants of my love are still there, I'm sure!

I really want you to be my company in this perilous journey,
I really want you to be at my side, sharing love and care,
I really want you to be the mother of my children,
I really want you to be my guidance to His Love,
Even death cannot do us apart, because we will reunited in God's Glorious Gardens.

But girl, please! I really love you just the way you are at that time,
The time when you looked so beautiful,
When I saw you at that time,
There's not a thing that I would change,
Cause' you are amazing, just the way you are,
The way of a Muslimah.

Taken from: http://www.iluvislam.com/tazkirah/remaja-a-cinta/3265-i-love-you-just-the-way-you-are-muslimah.html by Bro. Fitri Fahmi

Sekadar Di Dalam Hatiku

Cinta itu datang tiba-tiba

Tanpa diduga

Tanpa dipinta

Hatiku mula beralih arah

Luka dulu terubat jua

Rasa sakit itu semakin hilang ntah ke mana

Ku menyukainya tanpa perlu dipaksa

Sekali pandang seakan-akan telah kenal lama

Namun sepertinya aku lupa di mana

Jika cinta itu indah

Telah ku temui keindahan rasa itu padamu

Jika cinta itu menenangkan hati

Telah ku jumpa ketenangan hati ini

Jika cinta itu hadirnya secara tiba-tiba

Ku akui ianya benar belaka

Kerana telah kau curi hatiku hanya

Pada pandangan pertama

Tetapi sekalipun ianya begitu

Andai masa nya belum lagi

Cukuplah sekadar mencintai dalam hati

Kerana ku takut terluka lagi

Cukup sekadar mengingati mu dalam doa

Tak perlu manis berkata-kata

Tapi akhirnya melanggar janji setia

Andai cinta ini benar wujud dalam hatiku

Biarkan ianya tidak diketahuimu

Cukup sekadar di dalam hati

Kerana ku ingin menjagai diri

Mungkin nanti bila masanya tiba

Andai jodoh itu ada

Akan terjawab juga segalanya

Akan terluah juga semua rasa

Losing Faith...

I’m losing my faith…

In happiness…

In a true smile…

I’m losing my faith…

In hopes…

In dreams…

I’m losing my faith…

In dis world…

In dis life…

I’m losing my faith…

In everything…

My only faith…

Is to believe in…

Sadness…

Tears…

Disappointments…

And in death…

If You are always wif me…

Grant me my last wish…

Grant me my only wish…

I wish to be with You…

For eternity…

Soon…

And I’ll be really thankful…

I’ll be really happy…

I’ll be glad…

Dat I finally will find d peace…

Dat I’m looking for…

Rapuh

Detik waktu terus berjalan
Berhias gelap dan terang
Suka dan duka
Tangis dan tawa

Tergores bagai lukisan

Seribu mimpi berjuta sepi
Hadir bagai teman sejati
Di antara lelahnya jiwa
Dalam resah dan air mata
Ku persembahkan kepadaMu
Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Meski ku rapuh dalam langkah
Kadang tak setia kepadaMu
Namun cinta dalam jiwa
Hanyalah padaMu

Maafkanlah bila hati
Tak sempurna mencintaiMu
Dalam dada ku harap hanya
Dirimu yang bertakhta

Detik waktu terus berlalu
Semua berakhir padaMu

From Rapuh by Opick...

Tersedar...

pengalaman ke Floria, Putrajaya telah menyedarkanku kmbli...pengalaman hmpir2 pitam  di tngh2 jalan...tme cuaca panas terik...kinda give me a warning...rehat itu...PERLU!!!...

i guess i've been forcing myself too much dis few weeks dat i forgot to rest..dat i forgot dat my condition is still unstable...

bila mne kpla tbe2 rse pening smacam...i'm losing my sight...dunia terasa gelap gelita seketika...jantung seakan2 terhenti...sesak nafas sgt2...bdn trse sgt lemah...smpai membuatkanku trus terduduk...dan hanye rse takut sgt2 yg ade dlm hti...sgt2 lah bgi pengajaran...i'm still not normal like  others...i can't push myself too much...

owh...mse...perlu kate terlalu cepat atau terlalu lmbat??...dh 4 bulan disahkn sembuh...tpi keadaan still unstable...when can i be like others??...having nothing to worried about...hrmm...

but then nvm...hanye tggal 2 mggu sje lgi utk praktikal...dan lpas tue...hrap nyer leh lah berehat sepenuh nyer...mencri kembali kesihatan yg hilang ntah ke mne...

Hope

Hoping for d happiness to cme back to me…

By giving happiness to others

By helping them without even a second to think about it

Regardless of what happen to me

Regardless of how tired I am

I’ll keep on striving for others

For I have no dreams to live for

I have no one with me

Thus, hoping that one day

Someone will mke me happy

Giving me back d happiness dat I hve lost

Be with me through everything

I’ll always be ready to sacrifice anything

Just for d sake of others

For at least

It gives me a reason to keep on living dis life

8th July 2011

cpt nyer mse berlalu....dh 4 bulan pas disahkan....sihat!!!..tpi ...still....di tahap berjga2...bcoz i can still feel d pain sometimes...nsb baek sakit blik hanye bile penat je...

tpi plik....bile wat scanning dlu...smue nmpk ok je...tpi kenape msih skit?...haish...maybe it's just my mindset...

but...bru2 nie...mmndgkn t'lalu busy...xsmpt nk rehat elok2...smue nyer jdi xbtul blik...start rse loya blik...rse sakit...sesak nafas...cpt penat...pening...gastrik...haish...i think it's time for me to rest...again!!!...xblh nk overwork pun....ssh lah cmnie...since i still hve lots of things to do...

Ramadhan....i never thought dat i would even hve d chance to smbut sya'aban lgi tahun nie...Alhamdulillah...wif Your help, Ya Allah...i made it....=)....and hopefully...smpt lah smbut Ramadhan...insyaAllah...

i'll never forget...wat You thought me....by having d fear of dying...now...i'm able to appreciate my life more...it doesn't matter if i don't hve anything in life to hope for anymore....it doesn't matter if i hve no one close to me...i can simply live my life for others...for as long as they need me...

and...lastly....i really don't understand y am i writing all of dis...huhuhu...jst out of boredom....maybe...=P

YANG KU INGINKAN

YANG KU INGINKAN

Kala cinta menyapa 
dengan kondisi diri belum siap menyambutnya, 
yang ada hanyalah keresahan. 
Kala cinta menyapa dengan bahagia yang ditawarkannya, 
yang ada hanyalah kebimbangan.

Hari ini, 
mentari dengan hangat sinarnya menerangi seluruh jagad, 
tak terkecuali hatiku yang penuh akan rindu dan harap. 
Mawar di taman pun merekah 
menambah indahnya gelora yang kurasa.

Malam tadi, 
purnama tersenyum dengan putih cahayanya, 
membuat diri ini merasa tak sendiri 
dalam kelam dan pekatnya malam. 
Bintang pun berkelap kelip 
menambah pesona dan keanggunan langit malam.

Rabb, 
mengapa Kau titipkan sebuah rasa untuknya 
dalam hatiku yang lemah tanpa daya?

Rabb, 
mengapa Kau hadirkan bayang dirinya 
dalam relung-relung jiwaku yang rapuh?

Rabb, 
mengapa Kau selipkan getaran sayang 
di setiap kata yang terucap dari bibir kelu?

Rabb, 
mengapa Kau lantunkan senandung cinta 
dalam bisikan hati yang masih ingin terbang bebas?

Kurangkum satu demi satu perasaan itu, 
kurajut hingga ia menyatu. 
Kucoba pahami makna dibalik sikap dan perilakunya, 
kucoba berkelana menembus maksud hatinya.

Rabb, 
Kau Maha Tahu. 
Bahwa pesonanya membelenggu kalbuku, 
bahwa hadirnya menghilangkan rinduku. 
Bahwa sapanya merekahkan senyumku, 
bahwa setiap katanya menancap dalam samudera hatiku.

Rabb, 
Kau Maha Tahu. 
Jika bukan dia sang pemilik tulang rusuk ini,
kikislah pesonanya dari pelupuk mataku. 
Jika bukan dia pangeran dengan kencana keridhaan-Mu, 
hapus bayangannya dari ingatanku. 
Jika bukan dia nahkoda dalam perahu kehidupanku, 
bawa pergi dia jauh dari dermaga hatiku.

Yang ku inginkan hanyalah cinta-Mu, Ya Rabbi....




adapted from: http://www.facebook.com/groups/200014933356821?ap=1 by Senyum Syuhada

Berubah?

Kadangkala terlintas di fikiran ku

Kenapa ya

Kenapa diriku dh berubah?

Dulu ku ingin dekat sgt2 dgn Mu

Tpi kini

Diriku seakan ingin menjauhkn diri dri Mu

Aku rindu utk kembali bertudung labuh

Berpakaian muslimah spt dulu

Tpi ntah kenape terase spt

Tidak terbuat semua itu

Ak ingin sntiase berada di dlm ketenangan rumah Mu

Tpi kakiku kini mlgkah jauh dri situ

w/pun difikiranku sntiase menyebut namaMu

tpi perbuatanku seakan2 lupa yg Engkau sntiase memerhatikanku

Ya Allah…

Dimana silapku

Kenape ak berubah

ak perlukan Mu, Ya Allah

tpi kenape diriku smkin jauh driMu

ak keliru dgn perubahan ini

smkin lama smkin jauh diriku dri ketenangan yg ku ingini

ak smkin lemah

tewas dlm sgla nya

tak mampu trus b’dkwah

bila diriku sndri tak mampu di tarbiah

dimanakah jln keluar?

bgmna utk berubah?

Utk mnjdi lbih baek dan solehah

Jgn biarkan ku trus begini

Bimbing diriku, Ya Allah

Tunjukkan ak jln penyelesaian

Spya ak tidak lagi resah...

29th June 2011

I spend a quarter of my life seeking for someone dat can make me happy…but i only find more disappointments and sadness….i regret it…I should hve seek for You, Ya Allah… rite from d start…for only You understand all d pain dat I hve went through…for only You will be wif me…at all times…

but…now…pls gve me strength to go on…bcoz I can stop myself from ‘giving up’…and I know I shouldn’t gve up on d life dat u’ve given me…show me a way…and show me ways…on how to be contented and be happy again…I already forget what it feels like to hve a true smile…

Even I cannot be a good pretender anymore…d sadness starts to become more apparent than before…bcoz I forgot dis one fact dat…others can see it through…just by looking at my eyes…how long can I pretend to be happy when I’m not?...how long can I smile in front of others…and crying like mad when they are not around…

I did not blame You, Ya Allah…for I know…there must be a reason why You arranged all of dis for me…

But…I begged You, Ya Allah…pls send me an angel…dat can make me feel happy again…dat can teach me how to smile again…for I am tired of living dis way…

just stop

When u said:

Don’t cry

Look up

Look at d sky

D tears will dry

And u will once again smile

My heart says:

Stop telling me lies…

There will be no one who will always be with me...

Stop telling me stories...

I’ll never believe dat I’ll be happy...

Stop trying to make me smile...

Just bcoz I cried so much...

Stop lying to me by saying dat I look stunning...

When all dat u can see is...

d black line under my eyes bcoz of too much crying...

stop giving me empty hopes...

when u know that I’m like a kite without d ropes...

stop trying to make jokes...

when u know dat I’ll never really laugh...

just stop…

I had enough…

I just need to be alone…

Bcoz dat is just how I am…

I’ve lived a quarter of my life being alone…

I guess I could spend another quarter of my life being alone too…

And lastly…

Stop praying dat i’ll live longer...

Bcoz u know d truth...

U always know d truth...

Dat I always pray dat my life will be shorten...

Bcoz I can’t stand living my life...

Ya Allah, Aku Jatuh Cinta...

Ya Allah,

Yang membolak-balikkan hati kami

Selama ini aku tidak pernah tahu bagaimana

rasanya bercinta

namun ku berharap

bila cinta hadir menyapaku

aku tidak akan kehilangan Engkau...

Ya Allah,

Selama ini aku hanya berharap

semoga dapat mencintai

orang yang memiliki cinta yang

luar biasa pada-Mu...

Ya Allah,

Selama ini aku juga berharap

semoga akan dicintai

oleh orang yang dapat mengarahkanku

menuju keredaan-Mu...

Pintaku Ya Allah,

Izinkan aku memiliki rasa ini

Hingga ia menjadi indah di dada kami

tanpa mengurangi rasa cinta kami

pada-Mu...

p/s: dipetik drpd sebuah buku bertajuk "Ya Allah, Aku Jatuh Cinta" oleh Burhan Sodiq...

Kisahku dan UIA (2)...

Stiap manusia akan diuji dgn ujian…dan semestinya nurah x terlepas drinya…kluar je result spm…hampa…nurah xscore pun..d first word yg ustazah ckap kat nurah… “nurah …sabarlah…ade hikmah”…and she said dat b4 I even got d chance to see my spm result….blm tngk pun dh tau kecewa…plus mmg nurah mimpi mlm sblm tue yg result spm nurah xcemerlang spt yg diharapkan…kecewa sgt2 time tue…

Spnjg cuti smntara tunggu result IPTA kluar…mcm2 ujian dtg lgi…kesihatan pun tak menentu…mgkin Allah nk nurah sedar…dan mmg pun nurah sedar…nurah sedar nurah dh abaikan agama….nurah sedar nurah makin berubah jdi x baek sblm nie…and i realized dat maybe bcoz of dat...everything dat i hve fall apart...

Sbb tue nurah apply for UIA…I hope I can change…I hope I’ll have an environment yg baek…yg mampu lindung nurah dri smue pengaruh buruk tue…

But then…d next disappointment came along…nurah x diterima masuk ke UIA…tpi memandangkan nurah nk gak msuk UIA …buat lah surat rayuan…dan Alhamdulillah… berjaye…

I was sooo happy…hanye Allah yg tau…betape bersyukur nyer nurah…I hve a 2^nd chance to change myself into a better person…

Though I once thought dats d end of all d ujian yg Allah nk bgi…nurah silap…xkanlah semudah tue…bile msuk UIA…I faced new challenges…but deep in my heart…I knew…I must stay strong…nurah kna tetap pendirian…I cme to UIA to change into a better person…and I’ll do it…no matter wat it’ll cost me…

Kisahku dan UIA (1)...

Jadi…ade ape ngan UIA nie smpai kan dri dulu teringin sgt nk blaja kat UIA?…smpai sggup wat surat rayuan bile permohonan first dlu ditolak?…


Kisahnya?...dlu mmg lah blaja aliran agama…ade lah subjek Bahasa Arab Tinggi, Quran dan Sunnah ngan Syari’ah Islamiah…tpi…mgkin sbb xduk asrama…ckit pun tak terkesan ngan smue subjek2 agama tue…makin nk moden dan makin nak jdi western adelah…ye lah…dh nme pun duk kat KL…huhuhu…lgi pun time tue…benci sgt2 subjek Bahasa Arab…allergic!!...dpt pulak ustazah dri Terengganu…mmg lah x faham ape yg ustazah tue cakap…let alone to understand Arabic...>_<


dlu ade gak wat hafazan…mmg suke bile smpai bab hafazan…cemerlang…taranum pun…fav. Ustaz kot…slalu kna bce ayat-ayat terpilih dri Quran dgn taranum…bajet suare sdap sgt lah nie…=P…tpi asal msuk je part tajwid…berterabur…sbb xminat kot…mne nk minat nyer…asyik kna marah ngan ustazah yg mengajar tajwid je time tue…errr…sbb slalu tidur time die duk jenuh mengajor kat depan…hahaha…habit yg smpai skrg msih ade…=P…ingt lgi…ustazah tue marah sgt…mne tak nyer…sepatah habuk yg die ajar…smue nurah xingat…smpai die kate klau cmnie perangai nurah…tak kan pass nyer lah exam KKQ (Kelas Kemahiran dan Kefahaman Al-Quran)…klau x sbb ustazah cabar cm tue…mgkin smpai skrg nurah x tau ape2 sal tajwid…klau bkn sbb ustazah tue…mgkin…nurah xkan dpt A utk KKQ…huhuhu…klau lah 1 hri jumpe ustazah blik…nurah akan ucap trm ksih bnyk2…sbb marahkan nurah dlu…=)


 Ingt lgi…ustazah sje sakat time exam KKQ tue…die ade tengok jwpn MCQ nurah utk satu soalan tajwid tue…pas2 die bisik…btul ke ape yg nurah jwb tue?...dgn nada yg seolah2…”budak nie…blh ka die tau yg mne satu jwpn btul ngan salah”…adoii…tpi xpelah…nurah yakin…sbb dh bertungkus lumus xtdur mlm duk fahamkan sal tajwid…blh wat je rupe nyer…xde lah susah mne pun…huhuhu…malas je kot sblm nie…isyk3…


Sbb xduk asrama…hdup nurah kelam kabut...kat sekolah je tudung labuh…kat luar…rlax lah…ustaz n ustazah xde…jdi…pkai tudung biase je…jarang lagi tue…huhu…bce Quran jarang2…klau ade majlis2 agama je bru bce…dgn kate laen…klau depan ustaz n ustazah je lah bru nk start bce…lgi pulak duk kat rumah…mmg xbce lah kot…khatam Quran?...skali je kot…tue pun tme sekolah rendah dlu…sbb kna g sekolah agma S.A.R. An Nur smpai drjah 6…


Truk sgguh perangai…pling truk…ade ujian penilaian PAFA…cite nyer…nurah kna bce Quran kuat2…dpan ustazah…malang nyer nurah kna bce kat bilik guru bkn kat kelas sndri…jdi…kisah nya time tue…ustazah maen bukak je Quran scre random pilih ayat yg nurah kna bce…nurah pun start bce…tpi…xlancar sgguh…mmg time tue nurah xtau nape…lgsg xdpt nk bce ayat Quran tue…terkejut tmbh ngan malu sbb kna bce kat bilik guru yg mne cikgu2 laen pun dngar…smpai satu tahap nurah cakap kat ustazah…”ustazah surah ape nie…susah nya…sy tak pernah jumpe ayat cm nie pun”…astaghfirullah...nmpk sgt nurah jahil time tue…haish…tue lah akibat nya bce Quran jarang2…bce Quran tpi separuh jalan xkhatam walau sekali pun spnjg sekolah menengah…ustazah tue mmg terkejut ngan ape yg nurah ckap…mmg die xckap ape lgi dah…trus stop kan je…suh nurah blik kelas…>_<…ade ke patut pelajar aliran agama cakap cm tue…nurah…nurah…truk btul perangai…


Aduh…hdup dlu…mmg western sgt kot…lgi pulak nurah duk berkawan ngan kwn2 cina…slalu sgt chat ym & hotmail messenger ngan diorg…slalu sgt…smpai reti lah ckap mandarin ngan cantonese…sbb tue nurah prnh terpengaruh smpai nk tukar agma…nme pun dh xguna nme melayu…nurah tukar nme jdi nme cina…dlm ym je lah…punye lah x ‘Islamic’ time tue…parah btul…


Dan bertambah smbong dan riak serta taksub ngan dunia bile nurah cemerlang kat sekolah…overall ranking dlm sekolah dpt no. 2…berdasarkan pencapaian konsisten time form 4 ngan form 5…pas2 plak aktif society smpai jdi president…dpat pgkat staff sarjan dlm PBSM…


hdup nurah cm lupe akhirat kejap…dunia di lebihkan…ape lah nk jdi time tue…haish…

Cerita Tentang Hati...

Hati…
Memang sgt penting dlm hidup kita…


When I was in matric…I never thought dat d regular, every 6 months blood test would eventually help me one day…I thought it was just a waste of money…I always thought dat ‘wat could possibly be d result of a blood test for a teenager’…probably just some high cholesterol bcoz of all of d fast food things…rite?...

But I’m wrong…in my 1st year in UIA, Gombak…something did turned out being really significant from d blood test…d doctor said dat I was having a liver damage…and thus…after dat…I began consuming every single day…a small, purple coloured pills dat smelled like a cockroach and it tasted like…omg…really bad…doctor nie...kot ye pun nk cepat sembuh...xda ka ubat yg elok ckit...huhuhu...

And dat small pills buat ana suffered d most…I feel nauseatic almost all d time…I feel dizzy…I lost my concentration…x lalu nk makan…obviously sbb rse loya tue…I can’t even run…tak boleh nk lompat ckit pun…rse sakit kat sblh kanan abdomen…as though someone stabbed me there…

D pain??...i wouldn’t wanna imagined dat…unbearable…(and i never told my family abt dis though)...d way my family treated me at dat time was bad enough…mcm layan org yg akan mati dlm mase yg terdekat…wat ana rse laaaaggiiii teruk!!!...

My academic performance???...perghhh…I can barely open my eyes during d classes…terlalu penat…d side effect of dat pills is dat it will make u feel really fatigue…kdg2…ana rse xmmpu nk jalan balik mahallah pun…penat sgt…rse penat yg teramat sgt…mcm ana dh lari beratus2 kilometer…huhuhu…I even ended up having a carry mark of 13/60 for my Intermediate Microeconomics 1…tpi syukur sgt2…akhirnye pass jugak subject tue w/pun c.mark rndah…thx to all of my very excellent fren who taught me dat subject at d last minute…tq sooo much for ur help…bcoz if it weren’t for all of u…ana smpai skrg xreti kire…(well…ana mmg slalu lambat pun when it comes to numbers)…>_<…but….not to forget…TQ Allah…for making it less harder for me…=)

And I knw now wat it feels like having a sickness u can’t tell anyone bcoz u r afraid dat ppl will start to treat u differently…I already hve a family yg layan ana cm ana nk mati bile2 mse…I don’t need frens yg akn pndg dan layan ana dgn care yg same…it sucks…I’m still alive ppl…pls don’t look at me like I’m some kind of a disease…

And it also sucks when u have to forgo almost all of ur activities…sbb ana xlarat sgt…dgn tekanan yg ana dpt time ASEAN LOGICS Conference tue…omg…feels like I’m in hell sometimes…huhuhu…being sick kinda make u feel like u r a magnet yg tarik semue bnda yg stressful…no wonder ana tngk patient2 kat hospital slalu bad mood…yea I knw dat…I went through it too…

But then…finally…lpas dh telan bnyk pil…finally…ana sembuh…it felt gooood….sooo good…like d world tibe2 dh jadi terang dan ceria balik…sgt2 bersyukur…and now…I can run…I can even jump…no more pain…no more suffering…I’m as healthy as I can be…alhamdulilah…=)

And 1 more good news…bile ana tngk balik gmbr2 ana sblm sakit dan lepas dh sembuh dri sakit…ana dh ‘kurang’ tembam dri dlu…yea!!!...i don’t even hve to diet separuh maut cm YoT utk kurus…=P..tpi maut jugak lah nk tahan sakit tue…huhuhu…

And dats it…itulah kisah tentang HaTi…an experienced dat I’ll never forget…=)

Coretan Hati Tentang M (4)...

Hujan nie bukannya nak berhenti…
Tambah plak dgn petir dan guruh2nya sekali…


Kenape?...kenape aku harus kecewa begini sekali sdgkn smue nya sudah dlm jangkaanku sejak awal lgi…

luka di hatiku spt tak akan terubat…pedih…sakit sgt…

jika ini yg kau mahu…fine!!!...i’ll let u go…bcoz after all d pain dat u gave me…in my mind and in my heart now…u r as good as dead…

pls don’t turn up in front of me anymore…don’t u ever do dat…anggap saje kta tak prnah kenal…anggap saje kta tak pernah ade ikatan…anggap saje dia yg ku tercari-cari selama nie…bukan KAU…

dan aku pastinya…tak akan pernah beritahu mrka tntg mu…biar mrka aggap saje kau dh mati…biar hanye diriku yg kau kecewakan…tak sanggup ku lihat mrka yg kau kecewakan…biar semuanya berakhir disini…cukuplah….cukuplah sgla kesedihan dan kekecewaan yg dh kau beri pda penghuni rumah ini slme ini…aku tak akan biar kan mrka bersedih lgi krna kau…it’s all OVER!!!...

Coretan Hati Tentang M (3)...

Langit tak selalu cerah…
Mimpi tak selalu indah…


As expected…kau mengusirku dri hidupmu…smpai hatimu…kenape begitu kejam?..tak ade kah peluang walau sekali utk ku berbaik dgn mu semula…adakah kau dh lupakan smue kenangan masa lalu kita?...adakah kau dh lupakan ikatan antra kita?...

Tpi…ku harus sedar…manusia sering berubah…dan kau…tentunya…dan semestinya telah berubah…kau bukan lagi dia yang ku kenali dulu…hanya satu perkataan utk melambangkanmu skrg…kejam!!!...

Tiada lagi harapanku utk mlihat bahagia dlm rumah ini…sia-sia sgla pengorbanan mereka utk mu…lidah ku kelu…tak tahu lagi nak kate ape utk menyedarkanmu…

Perlu kah aku pegang pda janjiku dgnmu dulu…atau haruskah rahsia ini dijual saje kat mereka?...serba salah…sangat!!!...pada siapa harus ku minta pandangan?...terlalu berat rase nyer utk menyimpan rahsia ini…dan terlalu sedih diriku stiap kali mereka menyebut namamu…Ya Allah…bersalah kah aku krna menyembunyikan keberadaanmu drpda pengetahuan mrka?...

Apa yg perlu ku lakukan sbnar nyer?...nothing goes as what I hve planned…why?...

Coretan Hati Tentang M (2)...

Ku merasakan langit semakin cerah…
Adakah kau akan penuhi permintaanku?...


Rinduku akhirnya terubat…bertahun tak jumpe…bagaikan tak percaya dgn apa yg ku lihat ini…adakah itu betul2 dia yg ku cari selama ini?...dan akhirnya…end up berada di tempat yg sgt dekat dgn ku…takdir apakah ini?...

Persoalanku terjawab semuanya…kegelisahanku lenyap tiba2…lega rse nyer utk mendapat berita tntg keberadaanmu…

Penantianku kini berakhir…tpi…adakah kau sudi menerimaku dlm hidupmu…adakah kau sudi melupakan kisah lalu yg memisahkan kita semua?...

Jauh di sudut hatiku ini…aku takut…takut kecewa dan hampa…tpi…tetap…rse sayang itu masih ade pada dia…ku harus teruskan…kan???...

Peaceful Penang

D pain is still here…I can feel it deep within my heart…how can I heal it?..

Even when I’m terribly and seriously sick in Penang for 6 days…d pain from my sickness tetap tak blh lawan d pain dat I felt in my heart…

I felt like time was moving so slow in Penang…and d weather keeps raining…as if it followed my heart…as if it mourned wif me…as d rains poured down…so did my tears…

But dis vacation kinda healed me a bit…though I’m still not cured from my depression..but at least it made me calm down a lil bit…

Pejamkan mata…tenangkan fikiran…dan tidur…ditemani d sound of d waves, sea breeze and a cool ray of sun amidst d rain…it’s a perfect getaway from everything dat have been hurting me…

I finally far from everything…I finally found some peace…in Penang…

Jauh dari sgla keresahanku…jauh dri sgla yg menyedihkanku…jauh dri sglanya…tpi semakin dekat dgn ketenangan yg ku cari…

Though I’m very weak lpas sembuh dri sakit…dan t’pkse berhenti kat Alor Setar 2 hri utk btul2 sembuh dri sakit dan mampu berjalan…tpi…I’m glad dat I came to Penang…

And now…I’m back!!!...i’m ready to work for my practical…I’m ready to put away all those sad memories behind me for a while…focus!!!...dats wat I need to do now…

Coretan Hati Tentang M (1)...

Biar angin sampaikan…
Rasa rinduku padamu…


Bertahun-tahun cari…tak jumpe pun kat mane2…besar sgt ke KL nie smpai susah btul nk cari?...

Hati…kenape masih merindui sesuatu yang tak ade depan mata?...kenape masih merindui dia?...mungkinkah ikatan ini yang mengikat hatiku utk dia…ikatan ini yg menjadi punca ku bersusah payah…berpenat lelah utk mencari dia…atau adakah aku mencari dia kerana harapan sebesar gunung utk melihat ‘bahagia’ menjelma lagi dalam rumah yang semakin kelam ini?..utk mlihat kembali senyuman sebenar yg telah lame bersembunyi disebalik wajah penghuni rumah ini?...atau adakah aku mencari dia krna aku semakin gelisah…krna wajahnya semakin hari semakin pudar dalam ingatanku ini…

Adakah harapan disebalik semua ini?...atau hanya angan2 semata-mata?...

Sampaikanlah rindu ku padanya…agar dia tidak lagi lari bersembunyi dari pandanganku…berikan aku jawapan yg pasti tentang keberadaannya…berikan aku jawapan utk menjawab sgla mimpi buruk yg ku alami tntg dia…hidupkanlah harapan ini…berikan aku bahagia…krna…sungguh aku dah penat utk mencari lagi…dah penat utk main hide and seek ngan dia…KL je kot…tolonglah…it’s not dat hard to mke it cme true…rite???...

GUNKET 20 Philosophies of HaPpInEsS...

GUNKET (kaki bukit) 20 Philosophies of HaPpInEsS:

1) Happy people don’t get d best of everything…they mke d most of everything…
Ingt lgi time kna repeat paper…sedih gler…but gunket always know dat it is not d end of d world yet…smgt YaKiN DiRi yg pling pnting!!...peduli hape klau kna repeat bpe bnyk kli pun…huh!!...gunket tetap yg t’pandai…=P…sbb kna repeat lah..we’ll never forget wat we learned…(errr…maybe some)…but wat matter d most is dat...we stand back up no matter how hard we fall…and dat is a real…GUNKET!!!...after all…happiness is enjoying wat u hve…and losing all desire for things beyond ur reach…=)

2) Happiness comes when u offer thanks for d troubles u don’t have...
Dis is reeaaaalllly true…I am very3 thankful when my result is C-emerlang…meaning if I get a ‘C’ grade…well…I’m thankful for not having d trouble to repeat it…heee…=)…peduli ape ngan cgpa…always yakin diri…and said: “I MADE IT!!!”...wlau pun dpat C je…huhuhu…dis cme from an experience of taking Malaysian Economy wif d most popular lecturer for dat subject…bile fikir blik…mmg btul2 n sgt2 lah bersyukur dh ‘pass’….huhuhu…wat a scary lecturer...>_<

3) Happy is d only good…d time to be happy is now…d place to be happy is here…d way to be happy is to make others so…
Peduli ape ngan kate2 org laen… d time to be happy is now…so u can sleep even klau sok pgi ade exm…d place to be happy is here…so make some noise…shout to ur heart willing…sing a song or songs out loud…and lastly…remember…d way to be happy is to mke others so…well…just by seeing us bcme so happy…won’t others be happy too???...they say dat …ketawa tue blh menjangkit kan???...=)

4) Love one another…and u’ll be happy…it is as simple and ‘as difficult’ as that…
Simple…bcoz I love my fellow gunkets…but difficult….bcoz it includes GeM…or better known as GeDeMp/BoRoI/BoYot…ngeeehhh….a new name will come out soon enough I guess..klau plan ‘nk diet’ Yot tue fail time practical nih…heee…gud luck ye YoT!!!...=)

5) To be happy for an evening…hve a party…
Jom wat konsert skrg DeB!!!...rindu nk dngr suare pety kerri…eh almk…jgn ajak YoT skali…hncur konsert tue karang…pencemaran bunyi terlebih…=P

6) If u didn’t learn to save b4 u finished studying…u’re going to be unhappy…
Thank God we made a footpatch biz…helps us…errr…a bit…huhuhu…ingt ye our promises…in 5 years time…klau tiga2 fellow gunket suffer d problem of unemployment…kta leh wat biz same2…ngeeehhh…tpi …tlg lah jgn berlaku…sape nk jdi unemployed pun…huhuhu…

7) Everytime u have an exam coming…or some other important matters…always rmmber dat…before: happy years…now: happy hours!!!!...
So klau ade exm…tdur bnyk2…mkn bnyk2…wat konsert bnyk2…check ‘current issues’ pun bnyk2…kesimpulannya…hve a good time studying!!...eh…silap2…more to… have a good time ENJOYING urselves b4 u’re being sent to grave by ur parents sbb dpt result “C-emerlang” …huhuhu…

8) To have happy days…make a fresh start every morning…
Oooppsss…kna alter ckit utk gunket…”to have happy days…mke a fresh start every AfTeRnOoN”…cm biase lah…12 p.m…bngun2 trus LUNCH…x ke bhgia btul tue…heee…=)…ptut lah gunket ade mslh DeB and GeM…dh tau dh punca nyer…=P…tpi KeReM je yg x normal kot…

9) Shared joy is double joy…shared sorrow is half sorrow…
Wif all d gunkets around…everything will be ok…wlau pun…pnas telinge dngr GeM cite pnjg sgt…stiap kli die ade cite bru…ber’bunga2’ dan jln cite nyer belok2 bnyk sgt…dan org yg mendengar plak CoNfIrM jatuh gaung…saje bunuh diri sbb xsggup 2nggu lme2 n dengr…haha…dan dEb plak ….smue nyer yg gmbire…kna ade kaitan ngan papa muk2…kErEM??...errr…mstilah kna ade kaitan ngan… “u know who”…ngeeeehhhh…


10) Planning for happiness is rarely successful…happiness just happens…
yup…btul3…ingt x YoT??...beria2 sgt plan nk g petrosains…last2…xbngun pun…but when we don’t really plan…tadaaa….dpt jmpe DiNoSaur kat Pusat Sains Negara…xprnh2 lah KeReM gna touch n go naek bus…klau mak tau nih…mau nyer kad touch n go tue kna patah2 kan into pieces…ngan pak cik2 bus tue skali ‘kena’ karang…=P…oh ye…yg plg pnting…dpt bwk blik T-REX utk fiza!!!...nme die DiNo!!!...leh tlg mkn kan fiza…cme terlewat ckit kan fiza…smpai ko kna ambik exm dlu…xpe2…pasni xyah ambik exm dh…nnti DiNo tlg ‘telan’ kan ko dlu…heee…=)

11) Happiness is not perfection… it is d ability to look beyond d imperfections…
Oh…sgt stuju…peduli hape klau rupe x lawa…in d mind and a heart of a gunket…KTA TETAP LAWA!!!...we r d BEST in everything!!!....tell me…sape leh jmpe rector ngan cool fever kat kpla??...hahaha…ok…dis is not smething u should try to do…pning kpla rector klau smue student pun wat cm tue…blh bersara awal nnti...huhuhu…

12) Horses are never unhappy bcoz they never try to impress other horses…
Sooo…dats d secret to happiness…watpe lah buang mse compare ourselves wif others…every1 is unique in their own way…we can set a goal by wanting to be as great as sme1 else…but don’ let it cloud ur mind k…remember…just be urself…sbb xde org suke hipokrit!!..if we jst be ourselves…we’ll be easily loved by others…=)…peduli ape klau DeB slalu dpt result lgi bgus dri KeRem kan??...sbb in d heart of KeReM…evry1 has their own potential…if we r not good in one thing…dat doesn’t mean we r not good in some other things…kan??...oh ye…how to avoid jealousy??...nk jeles pe mende nyer…DeB is my SiFu kot!!!...ngeeeehhhh….of coz she’ll always be greater than I am…pety kerri kot…=P

13) Happiness is having a large…caring…and close-knit family in another city…
To me…those family r d gunkets…without them…I might still be alone…dan ‘ON SUNYI’ all d time…but wif them…I’m able to forgo all those hatred and revengeful attitude of me that I had b4…and bcome a care-free person…tpi…somehow…it makes me ‘blurrr’ all d time too…hahaha…life is abt give n take huh?...u bet it is..

14) D thing dat counts most in d pursuit of happiness is choosing d rite companion..
No comment on dis…d meaning is clear enough…Hidup GUNKET!!!...huhu…

15) Those who try to drown their sorrows don’t know dat sorrows can swim…
For dis…well…don’t try to run away from ur disappointments…embrace them…wat muhasabah diri ckit…and MoVe On!!!...if u try to suppress ur sorrows…dat sorrows akan slalu timbul blik and mke u feel depress…if u can’t move on…shared it wif others…bcoz…shared sorrow is half sorrow…hve some1 to hear abt it…after all…dat’s wat frens r for…a shoulder to cry onto and a hand dat will never fail to catch u when u fall…=)

16) But sometimes d means dat produce happiness bring wif them disturbances many times greater than d happiness…
Yg nie yg xbpe stju…why?!!!...why?!!!...stiap sem pun kna tggal same bilik ngan YoT!!!...=P

17) D happiness of life is made up of little things – d little, soon forgotten acts of a kiss, a smile, a kind look or a heartfelt compliment…
Try words like: wow, pety kerri looks gorgeous!!...
Or
Fuiyoo…kerem leh maen chess srg2!!!...(silap2…bkn compliment nih…yg nie ‘gler’ nme nyer..)
Or
Perghh…bnyk nyer YoT leh mkn!!!...(ok dis is a compliment if u look at d +ve side…=P)

18) To be happy…try these for a week…live simply, expect little, give much, and remove hate from ur heart…
Btul ape…org len tension sgt2 bile exam…gunket still rlax…untiiillll …rite at d last moment…bcoz we live simply i.e. mkn bnyk n tdur bnyk2…we expect little i.e. dpt ‘C-emerlang’ kire ok ape…(ok yg nie KeReM je yg slalu wat)…hehe…and we give much…study bgai nk rak bile dh last minute…hahaha…and we remove hate from our heart…sape kate gunket benci exam…gunket Suuukeeee exam!!!...sbb leh tdur all d time…anywhere…just put d notes in front of our face…and we’ll fall asleep in no time...

19) The discovery of a new dish does more for human happiness than d discovery of a new star…
Btul3…hrmmm…ayam goreng!!!...perghhh…like wat DeB always said to us…”blh berdarah hidung!!”…so everytime we found a good n delicious ayam goreng…it felt like heaven…=P
Try to find ur own favourite dishes in another place as well…u’ll find d heaven dat we felt…huhu…

20) Learn to let go…
Do this everytime u feel upset abt smething…do this everytime a person hurts ur feelings…do this when things doesn’t go as what u’ve planned…do this in all sorts of disappointments dat u may one day face in ur life…….at d end of ur sorrow…remember…it is all about ur mindset…be +ve and learn to let it go…as d saying goes: “ u can be unhappy because roses have thorns, or u can be rejoice because thorns have roses”…u choose what u wanna think…=)..When u r in a hard time…don’t be too disappointed wif what u don’t hve…cherish all ur happy moments…no matter how small they r…bcoz…happy ppl r grateful...ungrateful ppl r never happy…it is not unhappiness dat leads ppl to complain…it is complaining too much dat makes ppl unhappy…=)


So dat’s all d philosophies of happiness dat GUNKET kaki bukit have found so far…=)

In conclusion…I’ve become dis great…I’ve reach dis far…I’ve been able to stand back up no matter how hard I fall…bcoz of all d memories of happiness dat is given to me by a bunch of frens dat I had…a bunch of frens called GUNKET…d memories of happiness gave me strength to go on living in a wreck life…bcoz I can’t stop smiling when I remembered those happy moments we had…=)

Though sometimes…we may hate each other…though sometimes we might hurt each others feelings…though sometimes we seems to stop caring about each other…BUT…in d end…when we look around…dis kind of frens r d one dat still stick to u no matter wat…no matter how hateful u’ve bcome and others might’ve complained abt it…d gunkets never fall apart…hope dat our friendship can last verrrryyyy loooonnnggg...

Takdir telah menemukan kita…biar ajal maut yg memisahkan kita…jgn pernah kta sndri yg ptuskan persahabatan nie di tngh jalan…they r d frens dat I’ll never betray... d frens dat r worth dying for…frens dat I considered as my family… Ooopsss…silap2…we r all a part of GUNKET family…hidup GUNKET!!!...ngeeehhhh…

and now…I am 20 steps ahead…dh hmpir b’jye dh in curing my depression…yea!!!...

P/s: all d inspirational sayings cme from a book named “Happiness” published by ORINA Consultancy…www.inspirationalgiftbooks.com…