Monday, May 30, 2011

just stop

When u said:

Don’t cry
Look up
Look at d sky
D tears will dry
And u will once again smile

My heart says:

Stop telling me lies…
There will be no one who will always be with me...

Stop telling me stories...
I’ll never believe dat I’ll be happy...

Stop trying to make me smile...
Just bcoz I cried so much...

Stop lying to me by saying dat I look stunning...
When all dat u can see is...
d black line under my eyes bcoz of too much crying...

stop giving me empty hopes...
when u know that I’m like a kite without d ropes...

stop trying to make jokes...
when u know dat I’ll never really laugh...

just stop…
I had enough…

I just need to be alone…
Bcoz dat is just how I am…

I’ve lived a quarter of my life being alone…
I guess I could spend another quarter of my life being alone too…

And lastly…
Stop praying dat i’ll live longer...
Bcoz u know d truth...
U always know d truth...
Dat I always pray dat my life will be shorten...
Bcoz I can’t stand living my life...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Ya Allah, Aku Jatuh Cinta...

Ya Allah,
Yang membolak-balikkan hati kami
Selama ini aku tidak pernah tahu bagaimana
rasanya bercinta
namun ku berharap
bila cinta hadir menyapaku
aku tidak akan kehilangan Engkau...

Ya Allah,
Selama ini aku hanya berharap
semoga dapat mencintai
orang yang memiliki cinta yang
luar biasa pada-Mu...

Ya Allah,
Selama ini aku juga berharap
semoga akan dicintai
oleh orang yang dapat mengarahkanku
menuju keredaan-Mu...

Pintaku Ya Allah,
Izinkan aku memiliki rasa ini
Hingga ia menjadi indah di dada kami
tanpa mengurangi rasa cinta kami
pada-Mu...




p/s: dipetik drpd sebuah buku bertajuk "Ya Allah, Aku Jatuh Cinta" oleh Burhan Sodiq...

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Kisahku dan UIA (2)...

Stiap manusia akan diuji dgn ujian…dan semestinya nurah x terlepas drinya…kluar je result spm…hampa…nurah xscore pun..d first word yg ustazah ckap kat nurah… “nurah …sabarlah…ade hikmah”…and she said dat b4 I even got d chance to see my spm result….blm tngk pun dh tau kecewa…plus mmg nurah mimpi mlm sblm tue yg result spm nurah xcemerlang spt yg diharapkan…kecewa sgt2 time tue…

Spnjg cuti smntara tunggu result IPTA kluar…mcm2 ujian dtg lgi…kesihatan pun tak menentu…mgkin Allah nk nurah sedar…dan mmg pun nurah sedar…nurah sedar nurah dh abaikan agama….nurah sedar nurah makin berubah jdi x baek sblm nie…and i realized dat maybe bcoz of dat...everything dat i hve fall apart...

Sbb tue nurah apply for UIA…I hope I can change…I hope I’ll have an environment yg baek…yg mampu lindung nurah dri smue pengaruh buruk tue…

But then…d next disappointment came along…nurah x diterima masuk ke UIA…tpi memandangkan nurah nk gak msuk UIA …buat lah surat rayuan…dan Alhamdulillah… berjaye…

I was sooo happy…hanye Allah yg tau…betape bersyukur nyer nurah…I hve a 2nd chance to change myself into a better person…

Though I once thought dats d end of all d ujian yg Allah nk bgi…nurah silap…xkanlah semudah tue…bile msuk UIA…I faced new challenges…but deep in my heart…I knew…I must stay strong…nurah kna tetap pendirian…I cme to UIA to change into a better person…and I’ll do it…no matter wat it’ll cost me…

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Kisahku dan UIA (1)...

Jadi…ade ape ngan UIA nie smpai kan dri dulu teringin sgt nk blaja kat UIA?…smpai sggup wat surat rayuan bile permohonan first dlu ditolak?…


Kisahnya?...dlu mmg lah blaja aliran agama…ade lah subjek Bahasa Arab Tinggi, Quran dan Sunnah ngan Syari’ah Islamiah…tpi…mgkin sbb xduk asrama…ckit pun tak terkesan ngan smue subjek2 agama tue…makin nk moden dan makin nak jdi western adelah…ye lah…dh nme pun duk kat KL…huhuhu…lgi pun time tue…benci sgt2 subjek Bahasa Arab…allergic!!...dpt pulak ustazah dri Terengganu…mmg lah x faham ape yg ustazah tue cakap…let alone to understand Arabic...>_<


dlu ade gak wat hafazan…mmg suke bile smpai bab hafazan…cemerlang…taranum pun…fav. Ustaz kot…slalu kna bce ayat-ayat terpilih dri Quran dgn taranum…bajet suare sdap sgt lah nie…=P…tpi asal msuk je part tajwid…berterabur…sbb xminat kot…mne nk minat nyer…asyik kna marah ngan ustazah yg mengajar tajwid je time tue…errr…sbb slalu tidur time die duk jenuh mengajor kat depan…hahaha…habit yg smpai skrg msih ade…=P…ingt lgi…ustazah tue marah sgt…mne tak nyer…sepatah habuk yg die ajar…smue nurah xingat…smpai die kate klau cmnie perangai nurah…tak kan pass nyer lah exam KKQ (Kelas Kemahiran dan Kefahaman Al-Quran)…klau x sbb ustazah cabar cm tue…mgkin smpai skrg nurah x tau ape2 sal tajwid…klau bkn sbb ustazah tue…mgkin…nurah xkan dpt A utk KKQ…huhuhu…klau lah 1 hri jumpe ustazah blik…nurah akan ucap trm ksih bnyk2…sbb marahkan nurah dlu…=)


 Ingt lgi…ustazah sje sakat time exam KKQ tue…die ade tengok jwpn MCQ nurah utk satu soalan tajwid tue…pas2 die bisik…btul ke ape yg nurah jwb tue?...dgn nada yg seolah2…”budak nie…blh ka die tau yg mne satu jwpn btul ngan salah”…adoii…tpi xpelah…nurah yakin…sbb dh bertungkus lumus xtdur mlm duk fahamkan sal tajwid…blh wat je rupe nyer…xde lah susah mne pun…huhuhu…malas je kot sblm nie…isyk3…


Sbb xduk asrama…hdup nurah kelam kabut...kat sekolah je tudung labuh…kat luar…rlax lah…ustaz n ustazah xde…jdi…pkai tudung biase je…jarang lagi tue…huhu…bce Quran jarang2…klau ade majlis2 agama je bru bce…dgn kate laen…klau depan ustaz n ustazah je lah bru nk start bce…lgi pulak duk kat rumah…mmg xbce lah kot…khatam Quran?...skali je kot…tue pun tme sekolah rendah dlu…sbb kna g sekolah agma S.A.R. An Nur smpai drjah 6…


Truk sgguh perangai…pling truk…ade ujian penilaian PAFA…cite nyer…nurah kna bce Quran kuat2…dpan ustazah…malang nyer nurah kna bce kat bilik guru bkn kat kelas sndri…jdi…kisah nya time tue…ustazah maen bukak je Quran scre random pilih ayat yg nurah kna bce…nurah pun start bce…tpi…xlancar sgguh…mmg time tue nurah xtau nape…lgsg xdpt nk bce ayat Quran tue…terkejut tmbh ngan malu sbb kna bce kat bilik guru yg mne cikgu2 laen pun dngar…smpai satu tahap nurah cakap kat ustazah…”ustazah surah ape nie…susah nya…sy tak pernah jumpe ayat cm nie pun”…astaghfirullah...nmpk sgt nurah jahil time tue…haish…tue lah akibat nya bce Quran jarang2…bce Quran tpi separuh jalan xkhatam walau sekali pun spnjg sekolah menengah…ustazah tue mmg terkejut ngan ape yg nurah ckap…mmg die xckap ape lgi dah…trus stop kan je…suh nurah blik kelas…>_<…ade ke patut pelajar aliran agama cakap cm tue…nurah…nurah…truk btul perangai…


Aduh…hdup dlu…mmg western sgt kot…lgi pulak nurah duk berkawan ngan kwn2 cina…slalu sgt chat ym & hotmail messenger ngan diorg…slalu sgt…smpai reti lah ckap mandarin ngan cantonese…sbb tue nurah prnh terpengaruh smpai nk tukar agma…nme pun dh xguna nme melayu…nurah tukar nme jdi nme cina…dlm ym je lah…punye lah x ‘Islamic’ time tue…parah btul…


Dan bertambah smbong dan riak serta taksub ngan dunia bile nurah cemerlang kat sekolah…overall ranking dlm sekolah dpt no. 2…berdasarkan pencapaian konsisten time form 4 ngan form 5…pas2 plak aktif society smpai jdi president…dpat pgkat staff sarjan dlm PBSM…


hdup nurah cm lupe akhirat kejap…dunia di lebihkan…ape lah nk jdi time tue…haish…





Monday, May 9, 2011

Cerita Tentang Hati...

Hati…
Memang sgt penting dlm hidup kita…


When I was in matric…I never thought dat d regular, every 6 months blood test would eventually help me one day…I thought it was just a waste of money…I always thought dat ‘wat could possibly be d result of a blood test for a teenager’…probably just some high cholesterol bcoz of all of d fast food things…rite?...

But I’m wrong…in my 1st year in UIA, Gombak…something did turned out being really significant from d blood test…d doctor said dat I was having a liver damage…and thus…after dat…I began consuming every single day…a small, purple coloured pills dat smelled like a cockroach and it tasted like…omg…really bad…doctor nie...kot ye pun nk cepat sembuh...xda ka ubat yg elok ckit...huhuhu...

And dat small pills buat ana suffered d most…I feel nauseatic almost all d time…I feel dizzy…I lost my concentration…x lalu nk makan…obviously sbb rse loya tue…I can’t even run…tak boleh nk lompat ckit pun…rse sakit kat sblh kanan abdomen…as though someone stabbed me there…

D pain??...i wouldn’t wanna imagined dat…unbearable…(and i never told my family abt dis though)...d way my family treated me at dat time was bad enough…mcm layan org yg akan mati dlm mase yg terdekat…wat ana rse laaaaggiiii teruk!!!...

My academic performance???...perghhh…I can barely open my eyes during d classes…terlalu penat…d side effect of dat pills is dat it will make u feel really fatigue…kdg2…ana rse xmmpu nk jalan balik mahallah pun…penat sgt…rse penat yg teramat sgt…mcm ana dh lari beratus2 kilometer…huhuhu…I even ended up having a carry mark of 13/60 for my Intermediate Microeconomics 1…tpi syukur sgt2…akhirnye pass jugak subject tue w/pun c.mark rndah…thx to all of my very excellent fren who taught me dat subject at d last minute…tq sooo much for ur help…bcoz if it weren’t for all of u…ana smpai skrg xreti kire…(well…ana mmg slalu lambat pun when it comes to numbers)…>_<…but….not to forget…TQ Allah…for making it less harder for me…=)

And I knw now wat it feels like having a sickness u can’t tell anyone bcoz u r afraid dat ppl will start to treat u differently…I already hve a family yg layan ana cm ana nk mati bile2 mse…I don’t need frens yg akn pndg dan layan ana dgn care yg same…it sucks…I’m still alive ppl…pls don’t look at me like I’m some kind of a disease…

And it also sucks when u have to forgo almost all of ur activities…sbb ana xlarat sgt…dgn tekanan yg ana dpt time ASEAN LOGICS Conference tue…omg…feels like I’m in hell sometimes…huhuhu…being sick kinda make u feel like u r a magnet yg tarik semue bnda yg stressful…no wonder ana tngk patient2 kat hospital slalu bad mood…yea I knw dat…I went through it too…

But then…finally…lpas dh telan bnyk pil…finally…ana sembuh…it felt gooood….sooo good…like d world tibe2 dh jadi terang dan ceria balik…sgt2 bersyukur…and now…I can run…I can even jump…no more pain…no more suffering…I’m as healthy as I can be…alhamdulilah…=)

And 1 more good news…bile ana tngk balik gmbr2 ana sblm sakit dan lepas dh sembuh dri sakit…ana dh ‘kurang’ tembam dri dlu…yea!!!...i don’t even hve to diet separuh maut cm YoT utk kurus…=P..tpi maut jugak lah nk tahan sakit tue…huhuhu…

And dats it…itulah kisah tentang HaTi…an experienced dat I’ll never forget…=)

Coretan Hati Tentang M (4)...

Hujan nie bukannya nak berhenti…
Tambah plak dgn petir dan guruh2nya sekali…


Kenape?...kenape aku harus kecewa begini sekali sdgkn smue nya sudah dlm jangkaanku sejak awal lgi…

luka di hatiku spt tak akan terubat…pedih…sakit sgt…

jika ini yg kau mahu…fine!!!...i’ll let u go…bcoz after all d pain dat u gave me…in my mind and in my heart now…u r as good as dead…

pls don’t turn up in front of me anymore…don’t u ever do dat…anggap saje kta tak prnah kenal…anggap saje kta tak pernah ade ikatan…anggap saje dia yg ku tercari-cari selama nie…bukan KAU…

dan aku pastinya…tak akan pernah beritahu mrka tntg mu…biar mrka aggap saje kau dh mati…biar hanye diriku yg kau kecewakan…tak sanggup ku lihat mrka yg kau kecewakan…biar semuanya berakhir disini…cukuplah….cukuplah sgla kesedihan dan kekecewaan yg dh kau beri pda penghuni rumah ini slme ini…aku tak akan biar kan mrka bersedih lgi krna kau…it’s all OVER!!!...

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Coretan Hati Tentang M (3)...

Langit tak selalu cerah…
Mimpi tak selalu indah…


As expected…kau mengusirku dri hidupmu…smpai hatimu…kenape begitu kejam?..tak ade kah peluang walau sekali utk ku berbaik dgn mu semula…adakah kau dh lupakan smue kenangan masa lalu kita?...adakah kau dh lupakan ikatan antra kita?...

Tpi…ku harus sedar…manusia sering berubah…dan kau…tentunya…dan semestinya telah berubah…kau bukan lagi dia yang ku kenali dulu…hanya satu perkataan utk melambangkanmu skrg…kejam!!!...

Tiada lagi harapanku utk mlihat bahagia dlm rumah ini…sia-sia sgla pengorbanan mereka utk mu…lidah ku kelu…tak tahu lagi nak kate ape utk menyedarkanmu…

Perlu kah aku pegang pda janjiku dgnmu dulu…atau haruskah rahsia ini dijual saje kat mereka?...serba salah…sangat!!!...pada siapa harus ku minta pandangan?...terlalu berat rase nyer utk menyimpan rahsia ini…dan terlalu sedih diriku stiap kali mereka menyebut namamu…Ya Allah…bersalah kah aku krna menyembunyikan keberadaanmu drpda pengetahuan mrka?...

Apa yg perlu ku lakukan sbnar nyer?...nothing goes as what I hve planned…why?...

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Coretan Hati Tentang M (2)...

Ku merasakan langit semakin cerah…
Adakah kau akan penuhi permintaanku?...


Rinduku akhirnya terubat…bertahun tak jumpe…bagaikan tak percaya dgn apa yg ku lihat ini…adakah itu betul2 dia yg ku cari selama ini?...dan akhirnya…end up berada di tempat yg sgt dekat dgn ku…takdir apakah ini?...

Persoalanku terjawab semuanya…kegelisahanku lenyap tiba2…lega rse nyer utk mendapat berita tntg keberadaanmu…

Penantianku kini berakhir…tpi…adakah kau sudi menerimaku dlm hidupmu…adakah kau sudi melupakan kisah lalu yg memisahkan kita semua?...

Jauh di sudut hatiku ini…aku takut…takut kecewa dan hampa…tpi…tetap…rse sayang itu masih ade pada dia…ku harus teruskan…kan???...

Friday, May 6, 2011

Peaceful Penang

D pain is still here…I can feel it deep within my heart…how can I heal it?..

Even when I’m terribly and seriously sick in Penang for 6 days…d pain from my sickness tetap tak blh lawan d pain dat I felt in my heart…

I felt like time was moving so slow in Penang…and d weather keeps raining…as if it followed my heart…as if it mourned wif me…as d rains poured down…so did my tears…

But dis vacation kinda healed me a bit…though I’m still not cured from my depression..but at least it made me calm down a lil bit…

Pejamkan mata…tenangkan fikiran…dan tidur…ditemani d sound of d waves, sea breeze and a cool ray of sun amidst d rain…it’s a perfect getaway from everything dat have been hurting me…

I finally far from everything…I finally found some peace…in Penang…

Jauh dari sgla keresahanku…jauh dri sgla yg menyedihkanku…jauh dri sglanya…tpi semakin dekat dgn ketenangan yg ku cari…

Though I’m very weak lpas sembuh dri sakit…dan t’pkse berhenti kat Alor Setar 2 hri utk btul2 sembuh dri sakit dan mampu berjalan…tpi…I’m glad dat I came to Penang…

And now…I’m back!!!...i’m ready to work for my practical…I’m ready to put away all those sad memories behind me for a while…focus!!!...dats wat I need to do now…

Coretan Hati Tentang M (1)...

Biar angin sampaikan…
Rasa rinduku padamu…


Bertahun-tahun cari…tak jumpe pun kat mane2…besar sgt ke KL nie smpai susah btul nk cari?...

Hati…kenape masih merindui sesuatu yang tak ade depan mata?...kenape masih merindui dia?...mungkinkah ikatan ini yang mengikat hatiku utk dia…ikatan ini yg menjadi punca ku bersusah payah…berpenat lelah utk mencari dia…atau adakah aku mencari dia kerana harapan sebesar gunung utk melihat ‘bahagia’ menjelma lagi dalam rumah yang semakin kelam ini?..utk mlihat kembali senyuman sebenar yg telah lame bersembunyi disebalik wajah penghuni rumah ini?...atau adakah aku mencari dia krna aku semakin gelisah…krna wajahnya semakin hari semakin pudar dalam ingatanku ini…

Adakah harapan disebalik semua ini?...atau hanya angan2 semata-mata?...

Sampaikanlah rindu ku padanya…agar dia tidak lagi lari bersembunyi dari pandanganku…berikan aku jawapan yg pasti tentang keberadaannya…berikan aku jawapan utk menjawab sgla mimpi buruk yg ku alami tntg dia…hidupkanlah harapan ini…berikan aku bahagia…krna…sungguh aku dah penat utk mencari lagi…dah penat utk main hide and seek ngan dia…KL je kot…tolonglah…it’s not dat hard to mke it cme true…rite???...

Friday, April 22, 2011

GUNKET 20 Philosophies of HaPpInEsS...

GUNKET (kaki bukit) 20 Philosophies of HaPpInEsS:

1) Happy people don’t get d best of everything…they mke d most of everything…
Ingt lgi time kna repeat paper…sedih gler…but gunket always know dat it is not d end of d world yet…smgt YaKiN DiRi yg pling pnting!!...peduli hape klau kna repeat bpe bnyk kli pun…huh!!...gunket tetap yg t’pandai…=P…sbb kna repeat lah..we’ll never forget wat we learned…(errr…maybe some)…but wat matter d most is dat...we stand back up no matter how hard we fall…and dat is a real…GUNKET!!!...after all…happiness is enjoying wat u hve…and losing all desire for things beyond ur reach…=)

2) Happiness comes when u offer thanks for d troubles u don’t have...
Dis is reeaaaalllly true…I am very3 thankful when my result is C-emerlang…meaning if I get a ‘C’ grade…well…I’m thankful for not having d trouble to repeat it…heee…=)…peduli ape ngan cgpa…always yakin diri…and said: “I MADE IT!!!”...wlau pun dpat C je…huhuhu…dis cme from an experience of taking Malaysian Economy wif d most popular lecturer for dat subject…bile fikir blik…mmg btul2 n sgt2 lah bersyukur dh ‘pass’….huhuhu…wat a scary lecturer...>_<

3) Happy is d only good…d time to be happy is now…d place to be happy is here…d way to be happy is to make others so…
Peduli ape ngan kate2 org laen… d time to be happy is now…so u can sleep even klau sok pgi ade exm…d place to be happy is here…so make some noise…shout to ur heart willing…sing a song or songs out loud…and lastly…remember…d way to be happy is to mke others so…well…just by seeing us bcme so happy…won’t others be happy too???...they say dat …ketawa tue blh menjangkit kan???...=)

4) Love one another…and u’ll be happy…it is as simple and ‘as difficult’ as that…
Simple…bcoz I love my fellow gunkets…but difficult….bcoz it includes GeM…or better known as GeDeMp/BoRoI/BoYot…ngeeehhh….a new name will come out soon enough I guess..klau plan ‘nk diet’ Yot tue fail time practical nih…heee…gud luck ye YoT!!!...=)

5) To be happy for an evening…hve a party…
Jom wat konsert skrg DeB!!!...rindu nk dngr suare pety kerri…eh almk…jgn ajak YoT skali…hncur konsert tue karang…pencemaran bunyi terlebih…=P

6) If u didn’t learn to save b4 u finished studying…u’re going to be unhappy…
Thank God we made a footpatch biz…helps us…errr…a bit…huhuhu…ingt ye our promises…in 5 years time…klau tiga2 fellow gunket suffer d problem of unemployment…kta leh wat biz same2…ngeeehhh…tpi …tlg lah jgn berlaku…sape nk jdi unemployed pun…huhuhu…

7) Everytime u have an exam coming…or some other important matters…always rmmber dat…before: happy years…now: happy hours!!!!...
So klau ade exm…tdur bnyk2…mkn bnyk2…wat konsert bnyk2…check ‘current issues’ pun bnyk2…kesimpulannya…hve a good time studying!!...eh…silap2…more to… have a good time ENJOYING urselves b4 u’re being sent to grave by ur parents sbb dpt result “C-emerlang” …huhuhu…

8) To have happy days…make a fresh start every morning…
Oooppsss…kna alter ckit utk gunket…”to have happy days…mke a fresh start every AfTeRnOoN”…cm biase lah…12 p.m…bngun2 trus LUNCH…x ke bhgia btul tue…heee…=)…ptut lah gunket ade mslh DeB and GeM…dh tau dh punca nyer…=P…tpi KeReM je yg x normal kot…

9) Shared joy is double joy…shared sorrow is half sorrow…
Wif all d gunkets around…everything will be ok…wlau pun…pnas telinge dngr GeM cite pnjg sgt…stiap kli die ade cite bru…ber’bunga2’ dan jln cite nyer belok2 bnyk sgt…dan org yg mendengar plak CoNfIrM jatuh gaung…saje bunuh diri sbb xsggup 2nggu lme2 n dengr…haha…dan dEb plak ….smue nyer yg gmbire…kna ade kaitan ngan papa muk2…kErEM??...errr…mstilah kna ade kaitan ngan… “u know who”…ngeeeehhhh…


10) Planning for happiness is rarely successful…happiness just happens…

yup…btul3…ingt x YoT??...beria2 sgt plan nk g petrosains…last2…xbngun pun…but when we don’t really plan…tadaaa….dpt jmpe DiNoSaur kat Pusat Sains Negara…xprnh2 lah KeReM gna touch n go naek bus…klau mak tau nih…mau nyer kad touch n go tue kna patah2 kan into pieces…ngan pak cik2 bus tue skali ‘kena’ karang…=P…oh ye…yg plg pnting…dpt bwk blik T-REX utk fiza!!!...nme die DiNo!!!...leh tlg mkn kan fiza…cme terlewat ckit kan fiza…smpai ko kna ambik exm dlu…xpe2…pasni xyah ambik exm dh…nnti DiNo tlg ‘telan’ kan ko dlu…heee…=)

11) Happiness is not perfection… it is d ability to look beyond d imperfections…
Oh…sgt stuju…peduli hape klau rupe x lawa…in d mind and a heart of a gunket…KTA TETAP LAWA!!!...we r d BEST in everything!!!....tell me…sape leh jmpe rector ngan cool fever kat kpla??...hahaha…ok…dis is not smething u should try to do…pning kpla rector klau smue student pun wat cm tue…blh bersara awal nnti...huhuhu…

12) Horses are never unhappy bcoz they never try to impress other horses…
Sooo…dats d secret to happiness…watpe lah buang mse compare ourselves wif others…every1 is unique in their own way…we can set a goal by wanting to be as great as sme1 else…but don’ let it cloud ur mind k…remember…just be urself…sbb xde org suke hipokrit!!..if we jst be ourselves…we’ll be easily loved by others…=)…peduli ape klau DeB slalu dpt result lgi bgus dri KeRem kan??...sbb in d heart of KeReM…evry1 has their own potential…if we r not good in one thing…dat doesn’t mean we r not good in some other things…kan??...oh ye…how to avoid jealousy??...nk jeles pe mende nyer…DeB is my SiFu kot!!!...ngeeeehhhh….of coz she’ll always be greater than I am…pety kerri kot…=P

13) Happiness is having a large…caring…and close-knit family in another city…
To me…those family r d gunkets…without them…I might still be alone…dan ‘ON SUNYI’ all d time…but wif them…I’m able to forgo all those hatred and revengeful attitude of me that I had b4…and bcome a care-free person…tpi…somehow…it makes me ‘blurrr’ all d time too…hahaha…life is abt give n take huh?...u bet it is..

14) D thing dat counts most in d pursuit of happiness is choosing d rite companion..
No comment on dis…d meaning is clear enough…Hidup GUNKET!!!...huhu…

15) Those who try to drown their sorrows don’t know dat sorrows can swim…
For dis…well…don’t try to run away from ur disappointments…embrace them…wat muhasabah diri ckit…and MoVe On!!!...if u try to suppress ur sorrows…dat sorrows akan slalu timbul blik and mke u feel depress…if u can’t move on…shared it wif others…bcoz…shared sorrow is half sorrow…hve some1 to hear abt it…after all…dat’s wat frens r for…a shoulder to cry onto and a hand dat will never fail to catch u when u fall…=)

16) But sometimes d means dat produce happiness bring wif them disturbances many times greater than d happiness…
Yg nie yg xbpe stju…why?!!!...why?!!!...stiap sem pun kna tggal same bilik ngan YoT!!!...=P

17) D happiness of life is made up of little things – d little, soon forgotten acts of a kiss, a smile, a kind look or a heartfelt compliment…
Try words like: wow, pety kerri looks gorgeous!!...
Or
Fuiyoo…kerem leh maen chess srg2!!!...(silap2…bkn compliment nih…yg nie ‘gler’ nme nyer..)
Or
Perghh…bnyk nyer YoT leh mkn!!!...(ok dis is a compliment if u look at d +ve side…=P)

18) To be happy…try these for a week…live simply, expect little, give much, and remove hate from ur heart…
Btul ape…org len tension sgt2 bile exam…gunket still rlax…untiiillll …rite at d last moment…bcoz we live simply i.e. mkn bnyk n tdur bnyk2…we expect little i.e. dpt ‘C-emerlang’ kire ok ape…(ok yg nie KeReM je yg slalu wat)…hehe…and we give much…study bgai nk rak bile dh last minute…hahaha…and we remove hate from our heart…sape kate gunket benci exam…gunket Suuukeeee exam!!!...sbb leh tdur all d time…anywhere…just put d notes in front of our face…and we’ll fall asleep in no time...

19) The discovery of a new dish does more for human happiness than d discovery of a new star…
Btul3…hrmmm…ayam goreng!!!...perghhh…like wat DeB always said to us…”blh berdarah hidung!!”…so everytime we found a good n delicious ayam goreng…it felt like heaven…=P
Try to find ur own favourite dishes in another place as well…u’ll find d heaven dat we felt…huhu…

20) Learn to let go…
Do this everytime u feel upset abt smething…do this everytime a person hurts ur feelings…do this when things doesn’t go as what u’ve planned…do this in all sorts of disappointments dat u may one day face in ur life…….at d end of ur sorrow…remember…it is all about ur mindset…be +ve and learn to let it go…as d saying goes: “ u can be unhappy because roses have thorns, or u can be rejoice because thorns have roses”…u choose what u wanna think…=)..When u r in a hard time…don’t be too disappointed wif what u don’t hve…cherish all ur happy moments…no matter how small they r…bcoz…happy ppl r grateful...ungrateful ppl r never happy…it is not unhappiness dat leads ppl to complain…it is complaining too much dat makes ppl unhappy…=)


So dat’s all d philosophies of happiness dat GUNKET kaki bukit have found so far…=)

In conclusion…I’ve become dis great…I’ve reach dis far…I’ve been able to stand back up no matter how hard I fall…bcoz of all d memories of happiness dat is given to me by a bunch of frens dat I had…a bunch of frens called GUNKET…d memories of happiness gave me strength to go on living in a wreck life…bcoz I can’t stop smiling when I remembered those happy moments we had…=)

Though sometimes…we may hate each other…though sometimes we might hurt each others feelings…though sometimes we seems to stop caring about each other…BUT…in d end…when we look around…dis kind of frens r d one dat still stick to u no matter wat…no matter how hateful u’ve bcome and others might’ve complained abt it…d gunkets never fall apart…hope dat our friendship can last verrrryyyy loooonnnggg...

Takdir telah menemukan kita…biar ajal maut yg memisahkan kita…jgn pernah kta sndri yg ptuskan persahabatan nie di tngh jalan…they r d frens dat I’ll never betray... d frens dat r worth dying for…frens dat I considered as my family… Ooopsss…silap2…we r all a part of GUNKET family…hidup GUNKET!!!...ngeeehhhh…

and now…I am 20 steps ahead…dh hmpir b’jye dh in curing my depression…yea!!!...

P/s: all d inspirational sayings cme from a book named “Happiness” published by ORINA Consultancy…www.inspirationalgiftbooks.com…

Friday, April 15, 2011

CuRiNg Depression

My cause of depression is to let all d disappointments took control of my heart and filled it wif sadness…from a stressful condition…I started to be depressed…and feel as if d pain in my heart wouldn’t go away…d disappointments dat came continuously within 2 weeks…gave me a kind of shock...disappointments…and sadness…it suddenly mke me cry non-stop for d past 4 weeks…

Due to dat…I started to be quiet…I suddenly found d things dat used to be enjoyable seems boring…I started to get away from most of my frens…started to tke a break from my family…didn’t go home at all…and I just wanted to go far away from where I am….my feelings were hurt so badly dat I can’t even smile...and I get irritated at every single things…I started to feel angry…about everything…and d most important part is dat…I started to hate my life…and hate it d way dat I ended up in dis kind of state…

But after a while…I realized dat I can’t be in dis state forever…a change is needed…and I need to change…I can’t be depressed forever…

I should let it all go…let d pain and disappointments go far away…I can’t let it haunts me and mke me feel sad all d time…there’s nothing wrong wif all d disappointments dat I went through…no matter how bad it hurts my feelings…i must always remember dat it is all part of life…xkan ade manusia yg x diuji dgn ujian…wat matter d most is how we overcome it…and stay strong no matter wat…

I once heard dat…we shouldn’t think like we’re d only one in pain…everyone lives holding onto some kind of pain…either way…they try their best to live life looking forward…so don’t give up our future…

Therefore…I know now dat I should go on wif my life…regardless of how badly hurt I am…d future is out there waiting for me…and my actions now will determine how happy I will be in future...like wat my councellor said to me…since d world is round…so…in order to feel happy again is to mke others happy first…then maybe…someday later…it’ll cme to us back…and we’ll once again feel happy…so I think dat is wat I should strive for…as for now…

D drkness dat crept over my life…wouldn’t stay forever…one day…d sky will be clear…and d sun will shine again…d sadness dat i feel now…is a temporary matter, for it will, one day, be gone...I’m going to start smiling again…cherish others…and mke them happy…in hope dat I’ll be happy too…in future…and dis depression of which I am in now…will be gone forever…

Let d pains dat we get from all of d disappointments in our life be a history…and don’t€ ever let it be wif us forever…don’t let it become our present life for too long…and don’t ever let it become our future too…
I mke a mistake dis time by falling into d trap of depression…but I’ll mke sure dat I won’t repeat it again…ever…let dis be a lesson for me…so dat I can stay strong…even though I know dat I’m all alone…

Feeling a lil bit better now…and hoping dat I’ll be fully recovered from dis depression as soon as possible…sooo…yup…keep smiling no matter wat…=)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

i hate HoLiDaYz...

I hate HoLiDaYz...

1) I couldn’t get out of d house on my own…everywhere I go…my parents will follow me around…like I’m a 6 yrs old kid…

2) I don’t get to hang out wif my frens…bcoz my parents won’t allow it…unless they can join us and sit together wif us…of which will take out all d fun of hanging out wif frens…no wonder I’ll be an antisocial girl when it comes to holidayz…

3) D broadband internet connection would be soooo damn slow…so I won’t be able to connect to d world outside…I can’t chat wif my frens or download new songs…it doesn’t make sense at all…living at the heart of d city…KL…and still hve a slow internet connection…

4) I won’t be able to take a morning walk as usual…I won’t be able to look at the sunrise…

5) I’ll be trapped inside my room all day…

6) I hve nothing to do…I don’t even hve d chance to do some cleaning in d house…bcoz my home is like a store…

7) I won’t be able to be myself…I can’t sing…can’t exercise freely…can’t laugh much…and will just keep quiet and be serious for d rest of d holidays…

8) I won’t be able to express myself or give any opinion on things…bcoz…my mom will do all d talking…we’ll just hve to hear it out until we lost our insanity…

9) I can’t plan abt anything at all…all d schedule throughout d holiday must follow my parents schedule…well…dat mkes sense…bcoz they won’t allow me to go out on my own…so if I wanna do anything outside…I’ll hve to “fit into” their schedule…which makes me feel old…really old…bcoz I will be trapped in d hse…and dat mkes me feel more sick…

10) I will be more depressed…so…no surprise if one day u hear a news abt me committing suicide…bcoz even now…I talk abt death like almost all d time…d councellor dat I went to see…dat is a useless effort I say…not helping at all…she won’t be wif me when I need her…well…why would she?…I’m just a total stranger asking for her help after all…

11) I can't do my religious duty peacefully…I dunno why…it seems weird for me to read d Quran when I’m at home…it feels even weird if I do extra prayers…solat sunat and all…and on top of anything…I’ll be condemned abt how I dressed up…can’t wear jubah wif tudung labuh…or even just tudung labuh...(unless if its ramadhan)…hrrmmm…no wonder I always feel like I want to give up trying…and just be a modern person…focus only on d worldly matters…terlalu bnyk dugaan utk nk jdi baek…and most of dat cme from my own family…

12) i also hate holidays for d reason dat even if my family and i go for a vacation...i can't choose where i wanna visit...so i find vacation quite stressful at times...

13) I hate holidayz d most…bcoz I feel lonely every seconds, every mins, every hours, days, weeks and months…and even years…bcoz I’m not dat close to my family…we r a family…but we don’t feel connected at all…


well...after much thinking…maybe all of this are not d reason of why I hate holidays…but this are more to the reasons why I hate my HoMe…my home is UIA and …I don’t wanna go back to my house!!!…end of story…=(


p/s: how am i gonna survive living at home for d next 4 months bcoz of my practical training???...hrrrmmm...

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Depression...

Major depression???
How can i end up in dis kind of state?
When did it even started?
D sadness r killing me...
D tears won't stop flowing...

My heart aches so much...
As if it is breaking to pieces...

When did d smile fade away?
How did i become so serious and easily irritated?
Feeling angry and revengeful even to those who r nice to me...

When did i starts to shut myself out from others?
Stopping all interaction wif others?

I feel restless...
Sleep is just too hard for me...
It seems like dis black hole i'm in...
Would not move away...
Maybe i'll be trapped inside it forever...

Crying for help is of no use...
No one is close enough to me...
To even hear it...
Let alone understand me...
Or to know in wat kind of situation i'm in...

If there's just one more person who hurts my feelings...
Then i'm not sure whether i'll be able to survive dis life...

All d disappointments surely r a killer...
Killing all my hopes and dreams in life...
When will dis end?

I just need someone to hear me out...
Be wif me...
Comfort me...
And say dat everything will be alright...

But then...
When i look around...
There's simply nobody to reach out to...
D feeling of insecurity will just build up everyday...

Seems like d depression dat i'm in...
will not cure at all...
There's simply no end to dis...
Because no one is wif me to help me to go through dis...

Saturday, March 26, 2011

FaTe...

I am submitting to the judgment of fate...
Which at one time is favourable and at another...antagonistic...
~Ibn Khaldun


The sayings of Ibn Khaldun are totally true...the fate is at one point gives us the happiness...but after a while...the happiness will vanish...and all of a sudden...disappointments starts to appear...

fate...no matter what we do...or how hard we try...if it is determined to be dat way...there's nothing we can do to change it....

FAMILY???...

Just for one second...i thought i could have a normal, happy family again...but then again...at the turn of fate...i was being disappointed...the dysfunctional things in my family couldn't get better...maybe it is supposed to be dat way forever...

and i keep on believing that there must be some reasons i.e. hikmah behind it...bcoz only by having dat belief in me...dat i can go on wif my life...and have some hope to hold on to....

HEALTH???...

after years of sufferings...endless meetings wif the wrong doctor...and consumed the wrong medicine...i finally came to d last point in the search for a better life...

i guess wat ppl have been saying all dis while is true...we must alwayz go for a 'second opinion' if we're dealing wif doctors...cause the first doctor judgment might be wrong...

and yea...it is sooo wrong in my case...however...i'm glad dat i finally went to HKL...government hospital is much better than all those private hospitals dat i went to...

10th March 2011 gives me d best bday present ever...i've been discharged from all departments dat i went to at HKL...and i am totally fine and healthy again...

thus, bcoz of dat...i've been able to held up my head again...and said dat
"I'm OK"...and dis time...when i said dat...i meant it...i truly meant it...

so there goes another turn of fate...just when i thought my health are getting worst...some miracles happened...and it gives me a chance to live happily...

and for some reason...i found dat d world has suddenly became more wonderful than ever...

FRIENDS???...

frens come and go...many frens r not dat sincere to be wif u...they say dat they will alwayz be beside u...but when u need them d most...they just dissappear...

lots of frens...have disappoint me...and i don't blame them...bcoz i might not be a gud fren to them either...

but thank God...bcoz of my sickness...bcoz of my fate...i am able to find out who are my true frens...who are those dat alwayz be wif me at all time...giving me some courage to live...cheer me up when i'm down...and doesn't care much abt my 'bad mud' tantrum...

they r d kind of frens dat i'll forever appreciate d most...d kind of frens dat will alwayz stood up for u and be wif u no matter what...i can't thank them enough...

and of course...as alwayz...my top frens will forever be d one dat i called "GUNKET"...d name dat i'll never forget...


Thus...all in all...fate...is not something dat we can decide...we can only try our best in our life...but sometimes...if it is meant to be dat way...we must alwayz try to accept it...

and bcoz of fate...i do believed dat...ALLAH is alwayz wif me...tq Allah for all d help and happiness dat YOU have given me when i'm down...each time when i'm down...it is YOU dat gave me some happiness...so dat i'm able to stop crying and smile for a while...

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

9th March 2011

people do change time after time...i think dis is d time for me to change...i can't go on writing poems when wat i actually feels at dis moment is just an accumulated pieces of disappointments in my life...

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Love...

Now Hollywood wants to make you think they know what love is.
But I'm a tell you what true love is.
Love is not what you see in the movies.
Its not the ecstasy, its not what you see in that scene
you know what I mean? I'm telling you right now, true love is sacrifice.
Love is thinking about others before you think about yourself
Love is selfless not selfish. Love is God and God is love.
Love is when you lay down your life for another
Whether for your brother, your mother, your father or your sister
Its even laying down your life for your enemies,
That's unthinkable, but think about that
Love is true
Think.


Chorus
I'll put you in front of me
So everybody can see
My love, this is my love
I know that I'll be alright
As long as you are my guide
My love, this is my love


Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast
It is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs
You see love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, it always perseveres
Love never fails. Love is everlasting
Its eternal, it goes on and on, it goes beyond time
Love is the only thing that will last when you die
But ask the question why? Do you have love?


Chorus
I'll put you in front of me
So everybody can see
My love, this is my love
I know that I'll be alright
As long as you are my guide
My love, this is my love


There is no greater love than this than he who lays down his life for his friends
Now are you willing to lay down your life for your friends?
You're probably willing to lay down your life for your mother
your father, or your best friends
But are you willing to lay down your life for even those that hate you?
God is true love, and if you don't know this love
Now is the time to know, perfect love


Chorus
I'll put you in front of me
So everybody can see
My love, this is my love
I know that I'll be alright
As long as you are my guide
My love, this is my love

Extracted from a song by Jaeson Ma ft. Bruno Mars entitled Love...

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Semakin Aku Berfikir, Ternyata Allah Semakin Ada

Ya Allah...Ya Rabbi...
Tanpaku sedari aku begitu jauh menganiayai diri,
Ketika aku asyik bergelumang dengan maksiat,
Ketika aku hanyut dalam kejahilan,
Kata-kata menghinamu sentiasa di hati ini,
Tanpa sedikit pun rasa bersalah,
Tidak terlintas di jiwa,
Semua ini hanya sementara,

Tuhanku...
Tanpa aku sedari kesesatan ini semakin menghitamkan jiwa ini,
Namun betapa hinanya diri ini,
Setiap detik berlalu dengan kasih sayang-Mu padaku,
Engkau sentiasa mengasihi dan menyayangiku
Apakah yang telah membutakan mata hatiku,
Tanpa aku sedari semua kenikmatan ini adalah dari-Mu,

Tuhanku...
Ku mendengar kisah kekasih-Mu,
Sepertiga malam berlinangan air mata,
Bertahlil, bertasbih, beristighfar...memohon keredhaan-Mu,
Sejujur hatiku masih tak mampu menjadi seperti mereka,
Sedangkan diriku adalah sebaliknya,
Tidak pernah tangan ini menadah kepada-Mu,
Saat aku sedar telah melupai-Mu,
Seketika aku menjadi malu kepada-Mu,
Jasadku menggigil kerana takut kepada-Mu,

Ya Allah...
Kekasih-Mu sahaja yang takut kepada-Mu,
Bagaimana denganku saat bergelumang dengan dosa?
Dimana kedudukanku di hadapan-Mu?
Adakah aku yang paling hina...Ya Allah???





~ Diambil dari buku "Cogito Allah Sum!" dalam bhsa Indonesia oleh
Lalu Mohammad Zaenudin yang tlh diterjemah dan diterbitkan kembali olh
Global Aksara Communication, Kuala Lumpur dgn tajuk
"Semakin Aku Berfikir, Ternyata Allah Semakin Ada...Cogito Allah Sum!"...

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Today marks the profound
of the bittersweet for all of us,
As we bear witness to both an end and the beginning,
And while we must continue on,
We must be grateful,
To have been blessed with someone,
Who has ably guided us to where we are today;

When there has been so much love
And happiness for someone,
It is natural to be reluctant,
To close such a wonderful chapter in our life,
For moving forward,
Is rarely accomplished without considerable grief and sadness,
And while our sorrow may be profound,

The clouds will clear,
And the sun will shine on us again,
And in that warmth, bright light,
We will find ourselves facing with glorious future,
A future of exciting challenges,
And infinite possibility,
In which the horizon will stretch out before us,
Bring in the heavenly glow of the sunrise,
For our tomorrow...

~from The Prince & Me movie...an excellent words for thought...

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Jiwa dan cintaku...

Sahabatku,

Ketahuilah,
Pernah dulu ku sarangkan cita-cita,
Bersama angan-angan darah muda;

Pernah dulu hatiku disaluti bahagia,
Merasa manis hidup didunia;

Pernah dulu hatiku disirami air cinta,
Dek kerana persahabatan denganmu.

Namun kini bila ku sedar,
Semuanya ku rasa mustahil benar,

Aku terjaga dari lamunan tidurku,
Mimpiku musnah seketika perpisahan yang berlaku,

Atas nama bertemu dan berpisah kerana ketentuan Ilahi,
Aku dengan berat hati mengundur diri,

Layaknya aku bukan bersamamu,
Meskipun gembira hatiku,
Dengan keberadaanmu yang dekat denganku.

Sahabatku,

Masa tidak akan selamanya menunggu,
Ruang waktu semakin kecil dan sempit buatku,
Umur tidak akan selamanya bertambah,
Kerana suatu saat ia akan terhenti jua.

Sahabatku,

Risauku jika tiada peluang lagi buat bicara,
Tiada masa lagi buatku,
Menulis bait kata-kata indah buatmu;

Tapi percayalah,
Aku akan terus berusaha bertahan,
Sampai waktunya perasaan ini dapat ku lepaskan;

Seringkali persoalan memenuhi ruang fikiranku,
Adakah aku masih mempunyai waktu,
Untuk setia menunggumu?

Sahabatku,

Jika tulisan ini,
Adalah penutup hasil karanganku,
Maka inginku luahkan padamu,
Ingin ku khabarkan padamu,
Tentang angan-anganku,
Tentang mimpiku,
Dan tentang cita-citaku.

Sahabatku,

Ketahuilah,
Sejak kali pertama terjalin persahabatan antara kita,
Kau sudah ku sayang bagaikan saudara;

Dan bila waktu terus berlalu,
Sayangku bercambah menjadi cinta;

Tapi sayang sekali,
Kerana rasa cintaku ini,
Tidakkan pernah berbalas;

Dan ku sedar akan itu,
Dalam tidurku,
Dalam jagaku,
Ku sedar akan realiti hidup ini,
Cinta tak semestinya memiliki.

Sahabatku,

Mungkin begini pengakhiran cinta kita,
Disalut duka dan air mata,
Ditemani kesedihan yang tak nampak di mata,
Terlindunglah ia disebalik senyuman palsu dan gelak tawa;

Biar apa pun yang terjadi seketika nanti,
Percayalah pada kata hati,
Berpegang teguhlah pada pendirianmu,
Jangan lekas berputus asa,
Ingatlah sentiasa pada Dia.

Sahabatku,

Ku tiupkan bersama angin,
Perkhabaran rinduku,
Tatkala kau sepi tanpa berita;

Ku kirimkan bersama kicauan burung,
Perasaan cinta yang tak mampu diluahkan,
Bila mata bertentang mata;

Dan akhirnya ku kirimkan doaku buatmu,
Agar kau bahagia selalu,
Meskipun bukan bersamaku;

Biar doaku yang takkan putus menjadi sahabatmu,
Yang menemani dirimu dikala kau berduka,
Menyisih air matamu yang mengalir di muka,
Menjagaimu dikala susah lantaran ujian dunia,
Dan menjadi kekuatan dan penggalak di saat kau bahagia.

Sahabatku,

Disini aku bebas berkata,
Didepanmu aku terdiam seribu bahasa;

Banyak yang ingin ku luahkan,
Tapi semuanya bagaikan tertahan;

Bukan lain hanya kerana malu yang menjadi perhiasan,
Bukankah malu itu bagi wanita ibarat peneman?

Tapi sedarlah,
Jika tiada bicara yang diucapkan,
Tiada kata yang dilafazkan,
Bukan beerti cinta ini telah ku padamkan;

Sehingga ajal memisahkan kita,
Cintaku akan tetap setia,
Kerana cinta sejati tidak perlukan wang sebagai perhiasan,
Tidak perlukan adat sebagai jurang pemisahan,
Cinta sejati akan tetap subur di hati,
Terutama jika berlandaskan iman,
Akan lagi teguhlah kekuatan;

Biar rupa semakin buruk,
Harta bukan lagi peneman,
Biar orang pandang tiada mata,
Darjat dan pangkat ditarik dari kita,
Cinta kan tetap ada.

Sahabatku,

Telah ku luahkan isi hatiku ini,
Yang sudah lama terpendam dan dikunci,
Supaya jika masa tiada lagi,
Tiada sesalan lagi buat diriku ini;

Semoga sahaja waktu masih mengasihaniku,
Semoga sahaja ku masih mampu bertahan dengan ujian hidupku.

Sahabatku,

Permintaanku hanya satu,
Kenanglah diriku dalam doamu,
Doakanlah yang baik-baik buat diriku selalu,
Semoga dengan doamu,
Aku masih mampu untuk terus berjaga.